


Pain

by narayu



Series: Until I met you. [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:18:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narayu/pseuds/narayu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pain is all too familiar to Emma Swan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain

_Pain._  Emma Swan was no stranger to it. She learned about pain from a very young age.

—-

"But, Daddy, why do I have to leave?" she asked Mr. Swan, the first man she thought of as her dad, the first one she called daddy, as he packed her things into the shopping bag she had arrived with three months ago. Mrs. Swan stood there in silence with her hands on her hip and Emma didn’t dare look at her, didn’t dare call her mommy. She had disappointed them… again… and they were sending her back to the home and she didn’t want to go. Emma felt her heart squeeze in her chest in pain. She wanted to stay here with her new family, but she was being sent away, just like always. She told herself she’d never let herself love another family.

 

—-

"Look, its Emma the orphan!" the big girl from seventh grade yelled from behind her in the hall as Emma kept her head down and walked forward without acknowledging her. 

"What’s wrong, orphan, are you mad because your parents didn’t want an ugly duckling like yourself?" the girl jeered from behind her and Emma felt the clenching of her heart in her chest before she lost control and launched herself at the bigger girl, wailing on her until she was on the floor underneath Emma with her nose bleeding and the principal was hauling her into his office. She told herself she’d never let herself want for friendship.

—-

"Sorry to tell you, but your boy took off. Probably in Canada by now. He called in a tip – told us to take a look at the surveillance footage at the train station. Give me the watch. Now!" the police officer shouted while she still stared at the cell phone in confusion. Set up? She didn’t understand. She hands the watch to him and turns so he can cuff her, dazed and hurt. Neal.. set her up? He left her? What about Tallahassee? The realization caused a familiar clenching in her chest, her heart hurt again. And as she was put into the back of the police cruiser she told herself she’d never trust again, never love again.

—-

She stared at the keychain being held up by the guard and says nothing, seeing through it, not letting herself really see it, really believe what it means. 

"Good news – you get a car when you get out. And a baby. Congratulations." the guard was saying. And as the word baby registered in her head she turned back to the plastic stick in her hand, back to the proof of the love she had spent the last two months in jail denying to herself, trying to forget. She focused on the pain in her heart, the squeezing, crushing pain. He hadn’t only left her, but he’d left her with a baby. She told herself then that she’d never let them see her cry.

—-

She couldn’t be a mother, not from here, not from a jail cell. What kind of mother could she ever be? A girl from the streets, a girl who had gotten nothing but trouble from her lot in life. The pain of giving birth was nothing compared to the pain of looking away from her baby,  _her son_ , as the doctor took him away. She only hoped the system would do better by him than it did by her. She had to do this, she had to give him his best chance. So why did her heart hurt so much?

—-

 _This is why I avoid New York_ , she thought as she peeled herself off of the concrete where she’d landed while chasing her mark, how did she let Gold talk her into-

"Neal?" she heard herself ask, the disbelief in her voice when she saw him.

"Emma." he said in response and she felt the pain in her chest, the pain she’d managed eleven years without feeling, that crushing sensation as all the memories rushed back. But she had said she’d never let them see her cry, and she put the walls up she’d built over the last 28 years of her life and held them safely in place.

—-

As she looked down at her son, the boy she’d given away nearly 12 years go, the boy that walked back into her life less than a year ago. The one that taught her it was okay to rely on someone, okay to believe in family, okay to love again. The pain was overwhelming. She remembered with extreme clarity the reasons she had given up those feelings, that hope. But when she looked at his face, the color drained out of it and the pain in her heart unimaginably intense - as if someone had succeeded in ripping it from her chest - she knew it had been worth it, she would have done it 100 more times if it meant the chance to experience his life, to know him. And as she sat there on the Jolly Roger with her family around her, she let herself cry, it wasn’t about appearances anymore, it wasn’t about being strong, it was just about the pain.

She felt rather than saw him approach, he placed his huge leather coat on her shoulders and sat next to her. She wasn’t sure how long he was there before she spoke.

"There’s nothing you can say," she thinks she says and they speak a little but she’s not sure what’s said between them as she stares at the still, silent face of her son. She hasn’t had enough time with him, there’s so much more they need to do together, he can’t be….

She places her hand in his and they sit like that. She feels more comfort in this moment then she has since the second she witnessed the horror of Henry placing his own heart in Pan’s chest and she doesn’t know why or how she let her guard down around this man but in this rare moment, she’s grateful for it.


End file.
